gargoylez: (Stitch well then (by snoki))
gargoylez ([personal profile] gargoylez) wrote2004-09-23 12:15 pm

Moses supposes

Last night, [ profile] rennfoole and I went to see The Ten Commandments: The Musical, which stars Val Kilmer as Moses. *waits for the folks who hadn't previously heard of this monstrosity to stop laughing*

We got the tickets free from a friend-who-shall-remain-nameless who is part of the wardrobe staff for this unfortunate attempt at musical theatre. Her husband, who watched the show with Tom and me, along with a couple of other friends, had asked her about her day at work (on Monday):
"They parted the Red Sea today."
"How'd that go?"
"It better get a lot more impressive before they start charging people to see it."

We were also warned that there might be a need for raincoats. Apparently, the burning bush set off the smoke alarms during dress rehearsal. And we'd only be seeing about 75% of the plagues, as 2 of them weren't operational yet. I solemnly offered my cough to stand in.

A couple of choice moments (I SO wish I'd had a Sharpie to scribble down some of these "lyrics," but you'll have to make do with my paraphrasing):
--Moses' soon-to-be wife singing that, "he's so fine" (that one IS a direct quote).
--In a song called Can You Do That For Me?, Nefertari whines/sings at Ramses to give her back her heart, her soul, etc....Tom and I simultaneously leaned in to each other and whispered, "Can you give me back the last three hours?!"
--The burning bush, which turned into the smoldering bush after a few minutes, and acted remarkably like a gas barbeque. All 5 of our group had the thought of wanting to go roast marshmallows.
--The parting of the Red Sea was mildly funny...until the soldiers entered it after the Hebrews had gone thru, and proceeded to look around with faux panicked expressions of, "look! oh, no! the set is going to sloooooooooooowly descend upon us at any moment! leaving us no alternative but to stand here and be 'drowned horribly,' then get up and walk offstage in full view of the audience!" At that point I was choking from laughing so hard.
--Moses has this solo in which he asks God why he's been led so far off his supposed path, and he thought this journey had a purpose, and what has this all been good for....Clearly, he was talking to the director.

There were several points during the show when I laughed so hard I cried. Unfortunately, this wasn't a comedy. From what I understand (having never seen the Charlton Heston movie upon which this musical is based), it's a really good story. They didn't tell it. It took me half an hour to figure out who Moses was (this is partly because we were in the third mezzanine--read: nosebleed section--but also because he was never identified). About the only plot point I really understood was that Moses got married (see above about the "he's so fine" lyric). The lyrics were insipid (tho if you've read this far, I think you may agree that that hardly needs to be clarified by now), and the music banal. I have an extremely good ear, and I could not have hummed any of those "tunes" an hour after leaving the theater.

The nameless individual working on the show who got us the tickets has been referring to it as a "trainwreck." Tom and I, however, decided that that was too generous, because a trainwreck was on a track at one time, and this never had a path.

[identity profile] 2004-09-23 01:01 pm (UTC)(link)
Oh dear, sounds like the kind of event where the management should be paying the audience to sit through it. Terribly sorry at the loss of your three hours! But with the ironic retelling, perhaps you'll make it up in comic fodder? Truly I wonder what goes through the head of some of these people... a musical of the Ten Commandments! I shudder to think how poorly Val Kilmer must be doing to decide that this could have been a good career move (he's one of my "droolable men").

What's next? Noah's Ark, a comedy?

[identity profile] 2004-09-23 01:05 pm (UTC)(link)
oo! i like that.

actually, one of my friends wrote a sort of parody of the bible some years ago, and i gracisouly wrote his Flood Myth. I seem to recall it had women with uzis in it....


[identity profile] 2004-09-23 01:03 pm (UTC)(link)
you realize, don't you, that i am morally obligated to go see everything val kilmer is in?


Re: f*ck

[identity profile] 2004-09-23 04:15 pm (UTC)(link)
PLEASE find someone with free tickets!!!

'nuff said.

Re: f*ck

[identity profile] 2004-09-23 04:18 pm (UTC)(link)
from the sound of it, shouldn't be THAT hard ;-)

[identity profile] 2004-09-23 01:07 pm (UTC)(link)
I think my brain needs a good bleaching just from PICTURING this abomination unto musical theatre.

[identity profile] 2004-09-23 01:44 pm (UTC)(link)
It sounded wonderful! *looks it up*
US $85.00 - US $125.00

US $65.00 - US $85.00

US $75.00

US $25.00 - US $65.00

US $25.00 - US $35.00

Jesus! So people really paid that much to see that??? *sigh* hehe I really would have gone and seen it.

[identity profile] 2004-09-23 02:28 pm (UTC)(link)
So... you didn't like it, then?


[identity profile] 2004-09-24 08:39 pm (UTC)(link)
Oooooh that sounds BRUTAL!

[identity profile] 2004-09-26 12:22 pm (UTC)(link)
I love this review. you should post like this all the time.

if you'd unlock it, I would love to link to it.

[identity profile] 2004-09-30 03:50 am (UTC)(link)
I also have a friend who worked on it (as an intern) and she said that Val Kilmar was signed on before the script had even been completed. She told me at the time before it started rehersals, that they were "writting the songs" as we spoke. Apparantly it was already a success in french, and this was the american debut in english.

Oh, and don't waste your time the movie... it's hard to follow too, and pretty boreing. There's not even the luxary of laughing at shoddy props.

[identity profile] 2004-09-30 08:11 am (UTC)(link)
Well we are being taken to this "monstrosity" by my dad and his wife. Should be fun to try and not laugh. We are supposed to have good seats so that should be fun. Where is my raincoat??

[identity profile] 2004-09-30 08:56 am (UTC)(link)
I can't even Imagine why anyone would do this. who on Earth thought this would be a good Musical?!!
I Must see this. If only for a good laugh and because i agree that val kilmer is droolable.